love me

“

Maybe it was our time to fall apart, maybe the world saw I was falling too hard, falling too young and it needed to be stopped immediately, or maybe we truly are just not meant to be together.

But I can’t seem to shake the feelings, I can’t seem to shake the memories or the words we said. We were everything that a girl dreams of, maybe I was a stupid girl for dreaming that we could last, maybe I was so in love I ignored every sign pointing me away from you or maybe for once in my life, I’m right. Maybe for once, I know exactly what I’m doing, exactly what I’m talking about.

I don’t believe that two lovers, as strong as us, could just be a lesson in life. I don’t believe that God placed us together to teach us something because the only thing I’ve learnt is that I’m totally madly in love with you. That’s no lesson to me, I haven’t been taught anything, you haven’t finished your purpose in my life. I believe the lesson you’ll teach is that if people are meant to be, no matter how far they drift, they find their way back.

It’s not over for me, it’s not even close. I can still picture our future, I see it every night in my dreams, so to hell to everyone who says it’s not going to happen. I feel it, in my bones, in my heart, in my gut, I can feel the power of my love for you and I can’t seem to let it go. I’m not staying by choice, my hearts drawn to you.

And maybe I’m wrong, maybe we were meant to fall apart and stay apart, maybe we weren’t right and maybe you have taught me an invisible lesson.

But I’m going to hold onto the idea of me being right, and whatever comes next, good or bad, I’ll take full responsibility for it.

I’m in love with you, and I think you’re still in love with me.

(via fxck-every-1)

“I know I used to live without you but that was before; Before I knew the brown speckles of your eyes or the softness of your lips, before your laughter became my favourite sound and your smile the brightest part of my day, before I fell in love with you. Now it hurts to imagine even a day without you because you are a part of me; You course through my veins. You changed me and now I can never be without you again.”

(via ifthenightcouldtalk)

“In every relationship there comes a moment where a decision must be made to either give up or fight to make it work. Both people must decide if what they have is worth fighting for. Are the tears of joy worth the tears of frustration? Are the nights spent wrapped in each others warmth worth the nights spent cold and alone? Because if it’s not then it’s time to go. But if it is then you have to fight to make it work. Go to war for your love, because together you can conquer the world.”

(via ifthenightcouldtalk)

“A guy and a girl can be just friends. But at one point or another, they will fall for each other. Maybe temporarily, maybe at wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe forever.”

500 Days of Summer (2009), Dir. Marc Webb (via wnq-movies)

“Some people bring out the worst in you, others bring out the best, and then there are those remarkably rare, addictive ones who just bring out the most. Of everything. They make you feel so alive that you’d follow them straight into hell, just to keep getting your fix”

Karen Marie Moning
(via doll)

“

I want to be able to shower without thinking of you and then sobbing in the bathtub for two hours.

I want to be able to go on a date and not remember how you’d go on the internet and search up jokes you’d tell me when our conversations would go quiet.

I want to be able to listen to love songs without being trampled with memories of your kisses, your touches or your hugs.

I want to be able to brush my hair in the morning and look in the mirror and believe I’m beautiful without wanting to hear your voice say it instead of mine.

I want to be able to walk on the sidewalk and not hope you’re in one of the cars, staring at me and missing me while I cross the street.

I want to be able to love someone that’s not you.

But for now, I’ll cry in the shower and then come out and pretend nothing ever happened.

I’ll go on dates and smile and flirt and pretend I’m happy because that’s all I’ve wanted to be ever since you left - happy.

I’ll listen to slow blues and think of how you held me while we danced and I’ll cry in my car and sing along to the words even though my throat burns and my sobs ache in my chest.

I’ll tell myself I’m beautiful while I stare in the mirror and hope one day that I’ll believe it without needing you to tell me I am.

I’ll cross the street and I’ll look at all the cars to prove to myself that you’re not staring at me in amazement nor are you dying to text me and mostly, you don’t miss a single memories of ours. You don’t miss me.

I’ll learn to love someone who’s not you.

I promise you, just like you promised me you’d never leave.

But am I going to break my promise too?

3:03 am, my letter to you (via itzonlyyoubabe)

“The worst thing about a break up is losing your best friend, the person you told everything to and they always made it okay. You grow to be so alike and you can still see parts of him in yourself and you still remember all the stupid inside jokes you shared. And you aren’t fooling anyone because you still perk up at the sound of his name and everyone can see in your eyes how much you still love him. Yet all the while he’s moved on and that makes you feel sick to your stomach because you are so hopelessly hung up on him and he just thinks your a hopeless mess”

diary entry from 8/2/16 (via words0fheartache)

“After he was gone, I didn’t write for four months. I couldn’t remember how to spell anything except for his name. I replayed that park bench conversation every day, and I could never bring myself to go back. I cried for three days straight, hoping he might wake to the sounds of the ocean. I kept shivering like my muscles remembered those cold nights but couldn’t remember the heat of his arms.
That night when we decided we could handle looking in each other’s eyes again, my hands shook for the whole drive over. Over the span of four years, I saw him in his glasses exactly twice, but there he sat across from me with thick-framed brown glasses. He still wore his class ring, and I still remembered how the metal felt against my skin. Our words settled into a place that felt more like a dream than a memory.
Sometimes I convince myself that I am no longer in love, because I don’t want to admit that I still find his fingerprints on my veins. I feel him like forest fires in my bones, and I’m so fucking sick of burning, but I’ve forgotten how to be anything but ash. I have woken up in tears too many times from dreams where the only thing I remember is his laugh. I stifle my sobs so no one notices I still love the one person I shouldn’t.
The idea of him with someone else feels like knives between each and every rib, and I know how hypocritical that is. I have tried on someone else’s affection, but it never fits the way his did. I tried to write him another poem to explain it all but the only words I could find said “he likes me because I am beautiful; you loved me when I wasn’t. He uses the words ‘I don’t love you’ as a threat because he follows them up with ‘yet.’” How loudly do I need to scream the words “I’m sorry” until I feel I am worth forgiving? I still don’t remember how to live in a world where I am not his.
Coffee still smells like his hands. Winter still feels like his arms. That song still sounds like his laugh. He is everywhere and nowhere, the worst combination of wholeness and breaking. I haven’t touched him in nine months, haven’t seen him in two, but if you listen closely enough you can still hear my heart shatter. Touch my fingers, they feel like wanting. Here is my ribcage, it looks like crumbling. I am drowning in a sea of missing him, and my lungs aren’t sure they even want to come up for air. There’s a reason I don’t get drunk and it looks an awful lot like his eyes. I don’t cry over his smile anymore but my mascara is still somehow always smeared. I collect too many bookmarks because I am still saving his place. There is one word used eleven times too many in this poem.
I love him.
Still.”

he went on a date with someone who wasn’t me /// k.b.
(via where-echoes-come-to-rest)